


Saudade

by OnceUponGreys



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Parents Captain Hook | Killian Jones & Emma Swan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:50:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponGreys/pseuds/OnceUponGreys
Summary: Fifteen years after his wife's death, Killian Jones finally feels ready enough to tell their children all about their mother what happened to her."Her name was Emma Swan."One shot.I suck at summaries, just give it a shot :)





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically an alternate ending for Chapter 7 of my other fanfiction, 'Hold me close and hold me fast'. It will explain what happens to Emma as you read along, and you get some Single Dad vibes from Killy :)  
> Someone was literally begging me to kill Emma off so i guess this one shot is dedicated to you. Special thanks to my amazing sister who inspired me to write after so long. 
> 
> I chose the title Saudade because:
> 
> Saudade – a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! Leave feedback in the comments and give kudos if you want me to do more one shots in the future.

The lights are dim in the living room and Killian is waiting for Alexandra and Liam to come downstairs for movie night.

It had been a tradition in their household, movie night every Friday. And this year, their movie night just so happened to land on Christmas.

They had decided to opt out of all the grand Christmas celebrations and have a simple Christmas, just the three of them.

They had exchanged their presents this morning and had spent the whole day baking cookies. Alexandra and Liam had headed to their rooms merely an hour ago.

Killian has been glad that his kids didn’t want anything too extravagant this year, because in all honesty, he didn’t really enjoy Christmas anymore. Not since Emma died at least.

She had been the one to introduce it to him and it simply felt wrong to enjoy it without her, even if it had been fifteen years since her passing.

Killian knew that she would want him to be happy, but no matter how hard he tried, it never felt quite right to be happy on the twenty-fifth day of the last month of the year. 

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs broke him free of his thoughts and now there was a very annoyed Liam standing in front of him.

Killian was wearing his favorite black shirt and some sweatpants. Liam almost the same thing, save for his shirt being red.

Killian grabbed the remote and started flipping through Netflix, looking for something suitable to watch. 

Liam exaggeratedly sighed and sat down next to his father. 

“What is it, lad?”

“Alex won’t hurry up.”

“It’s alright. No rush. Go make the popcorn while we wait.”

“Extra hot so that the chocolate gets melty?”

“Aye.” Killian smiles as his son gets up and heads towards the kitchen while remembering the phrase that Emma had said to him so many years ago.

It took Alexandra another twenty minutes until she finally made it to the living room. 

When Alexandra finally entered the living room, her makeup was smudged and it was obvious that she’d been crying for the better part of an hour.

“Jesus Lex, why are you so freaking depressed all the time?” Liam says in between mouthfuls of popcorn. 

Killian scolds his son while Alex simply ignores him.

Killian knew that Alexandra was going through a hard time. Killian also knew why. Emma. 

Alexandra couldn’t understand why she would never meet her mother, and why they didn’t use magic to save her. Killian never really explained to his children about what happened to their mother. It had been a rough topic for such a long time and he never felt ready to talk about Emma with them.

“Alexandra. Are you okay, love?” Killian shoots her an apologetic look on behalf of her brother, and even if she doesn’t verbally respond, Killian knows she comprehends his message.

“I’m fine.” She replies. She gives him a tight smile and then checks her phone right after sitting down next to Killian.

“Okay good because I’m so hyped to watch this movie. It’s gonna be incredible.” Liam says before grabbing the remote and turning on their much-anticipated film.

“Liam.”

“What, dad?? She said she’s fine!”

"Liam, look at your sisters face. It’s obvious she’s been crying. I’m not going to sit through a movie if something is bothering her.” 

Alexandra shyly slips below her blanket at the confrontation.

Killian pulls her away from the corner of the couch, where she was previously sitting. “What’s wrong?” 

Although she doesn’t move back to her old spot, she doesn’t reveal a thing.

 “I’m fine, dad.”

“No. You are not.”

“Yes, i am.”

“No, you aren’t."

“Fine. You want the truth? I’m not fine. I’m not all right. I’m not okay.”

“I assume this has something to do with your mother?”

“Yeah. It does.” Her blue blanket muffles her voice but it isn’t difficult to hear what she’s saying. 

“You know, you remind me so much of her.”

He spies two pairs of eyes staring at him. He never talked about her, and it was certainly unexpected that tonight of all nights, he would choose to do so.

“Really?” A soft word spoken by Alexandra who peers up at him through her blanket.

“Aye.”

Liam stares at his father. “Dad. You never talk about her.”

“Aye. Well maybe its time I changed that.”

His children are quiet for a long time before Killian speaks again.

“Look Alex, I know you’re crying about her. It’s not fair that you don’t know anything about her, so I’m going to start talking about her more. She was an incredible person and her memory deserves to live on.”

“Can we ask questions?” Liam asks.

“Of course you can.”

Liam grabs the remote once again and mutes the movie.

“What was she like?” Alexandra asked quietly.

Killian took a moment to think about what he would say next. His eyes felt watery and even if it had been fifteen years without Emma, he still felt somber whenever he thought about what happened to her.

Alexandra spoke up, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, dad.”

Killian looked towards her and stroked her cheek gently.

“None sense, love. She’s your mother and you deserve to know more about her. Her name was Emma.”

Liam held on to his father’s hand while Alexandra laid her head against his opposite shoulder, their movie long since forgotten by now.

“Your mother was the light of my life. She was amazing. Beautiful bright blonde hair just like Liam’s and rounded cheeks just like you, Alex. I loved her with every fiber of my being.”

He inhales deeply and goes on, “I miss her everyday.”

“Do you have any pictures?” Liam asks quietly.

“Go get Henry’s storybook.”

Liam jumps up and goes down the hall and into the room where all of their family possessions are kept. The room is filled with albums and miscellaneous items. It’s dusty but Liam spots the storybook almost instantly and jogs back to the living room.

He sits down, panting, and hands the storybook to his father. Alexandra moves closer and leaves her blanket on the other side of the couch.

“Is she really in there?” Alexandra asks.

“She is.”

Killian flips to the page of their first kiss.

“This was the time your mother and I and the rest of the family went to Never-land to save Henry. This was our first kiss. If I remember correctly, at the time she said that it would be one time thing.”

The kids are quiet again. Killian flips to his next destination. The page with the picture of him and Emma dancing in the enchanted forest.

“Here, your mother and I accidentally went back in time. We weren’t dating yet but she and I danced together for hours until we had to complete our mission.”

He shows them all of their adventures and describes them all. He doesn’t leave out a single thing because Killian wants his children to know how absolutely amazing their mother really was.

They are drawn in to the stories and are paying close attention to everything he’s saying.

Killian goes on for hours, he tells them everything. All the curses, all the obstacles and everything they overcame together.

He shows them all of the wedding pictures. He shows them pictures of Emma baking in the kitchen and them seeing Henry of to college.

He shows them the picture they took as soon as Emma told Killian she was pregnant. A small Polaroid with the caption “8 weeks!” accompanied by a picture of Emma’s belly and Killian’s head right next to it.

Another Polaroid. “10 weeks!”

Another one. “11 weeks!”

And on 

And on.

More pregnancy pictures as they flip through the album, Emma’s belly increasingly growing as they flip through the pages.

Finally, he shows them the last picture that they ever took together.

Emma in her hospital bed with Killian sitting next to her.

A baby in his arms, and a baby in hers.

“Here’s the last picture we ever took.”

Tears escape his eyes as they drip down onto the page. 

Alexandra takes the books from his lap and hugs him tight. Liam follows suit and hugs him from the other side. Killian wraps his arms around them and lets his tears fall.

_______________________________

Minutes later, they’re still hugging their father and Killian has stopped crying.

“I’m fine, guys.”

They unwrap their arms from around him and return to their original spots.     

They manage to catch the end of the movie. The plot wasn’t very complex so the last twenty minutes or so of the movie was all they needed to understand the concept.

Once the credits are rolling on the TV, Alex mutes the TV and asks the two burning questions she had wanted answered since she was eight.

“What happened to her? Why didn’t you use magic to save her?”

"Once we found out that your mother was pregnant, she wanted to move out of Storybrooke. She wanted to move somewhere where you guys would be protected no matter what. Where you could have a normal childhood. We decided on Seattle.”

“So you guys moved to Seattle?” Liam says in midst of his yawn.

“Aye that we did.”

 Killian eyes the clock to discover that it was 12:13 am. He knows that his fifteen year olds would stay up later than this on average so he went on.

“We said our goodbyes and packed our stuff. We moved and everything was fine. Fast-forward nine months; your mother woke me up early in the morning. She was on the floor and in labor. I drove her to the nearest hospital. At the time, we thought we were only having one baby.” 

He smiles at his children.

“They told us we were having twins. It was a rocky few hours but eventually, we had two little babies squirming in our arms. After all the visitors left, your mother and I had an argument, I stormed out, my bloody temper bested me. When I came back to her room, there were doctors surrounding her and she was having a seizure.”

Liam looks into Killian’s eyes, “She died because of a seizure?”

“I’m getting there."

“Okay.”

“They rushed her into surgery immediately after. Turns out she had a brain tumor. She survived the surgery and two days later, she woke up. We talked and made up, and we slept in each other’s arms that night. Everything was perfect. Next thing I knew, I woke up and she was lying beside me, motionless without a pulse. She died while we were sleeping. Her doctor said it was because of a brain bleed. They didn’t catch it in time, and so, she died.”

Liam clears his throat, “I’m so sorry, dad.”

“Its fine, lad."

“And you couldn’t use magic to save her, because there is no magic in Seattle.” Alex says.

Killian sits there, staring at the fireplace and doesn’t say anything else. 

“She died in my arms, while we were sleeping, on a cold Wednesday night and I was helpless.”

Alexandra’s face changes in realization before she speaks. “It’s our fault. If we had never been born, you would’ve never moved to Seattle, and you could’ve saved her from the cancer and the brain bleed using Regina’s magic.”

“No. Don’t blame yourselves. You two are the reason I wake up in the morning. I love you both so much. It was just..her time to go I guess.”

“We love you too dad. More than words can ever describe. I hope you know that. We will always be there for you.” Liam enunciates the last sentence especially.

“I know.”

He smiles as Alex and Liam get up at the same time and hug Killian. They lie on his lap and listen to the soft sounds of the wind blowing outside.

Killian didn’t think this is how they would be spending their Christmas when he asked Liam to go make the popcorn. He’s okay with it though, because he feels more connected with Alexandra and Liam than ever.

“Goodnight, dad.” Liam says.

“Goodnight, lad.”

“Night dad.”

“Night, darling.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to follow me on instagram :) @OnceUponGreys


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